Anger is a normal emotion. But it can become a problem when your little person throws uncontrollable temper tantrums. At times they could easily get frustrated, yell and have meltdowns. Pent up emotions could collectively lead to aggression and disrespected behaviour towards elders. These issues could persist and turn into academic problems, social problems and mental health problems if left unchecked. Often children feel guilty after they have calmed down but uncontrollable anger will lead to poor decision making. Below is a list of techniques, you can use to help your child in managing their anger.

Feelings

Kids get frustrated because they find it difficult to verbalize their feelings. Instead, they portray their feelings either by crying or lashing out. They undertake such behaviours to get your attention. Help your child by talking to them about emotions like angry, happy and sad. Make them understand that it’s good to verbalize these feelings rather than lashing out and crying unnecessarily. When your child is smiling and jumping around, Label it. Say “it looks like your feeling happy”. Over a period of time, they will start doing the same. At times aggression stems due to disappointments and other unhappy feelings. Talking to them about these underlying concealed feeling will teach them to control their behaviour.

Anger Meter

Draw an anger meter on a piece of cardboard and list numbers from 1 to 10. Tell them what each of these numbers represents on the meter. Level 1 would represent happiness, Level 5 would represent frustration or moderately mad, Level 10 would represent explosion or uncontrollable rage. Explain how their body reacts on each of these levels. They may feel hot, make fists, and breathe loudly. Tell them that feeling angry at level 10 is not good for their body. When they recognize these signs they will learn to control their anger on their own. If you sense them being unhappy or angry, refer to the meter and enquire about their anger level.

Happy Place

You can develop strategies to help them relax and control their anger. Tell them to think about the times they felt the happiest. Tell them to repeat the words calm and chill and practice breathing when they sense themselves getting angry. Teach them meditation techniques. Tell them to sing their favourite song that will help calm them down. Make an angry kit which consists of their favourite books, toys and scented stationery which can be referred to when they feel angry.

Anger Management Methods

When you’re feeling angry, it’s a good opportunity to show your child how you handle it. Sometimes you might react aggressively when you’re feeling angry. Apologize to your child and explain that they should have been kinder towards it. Children at a young age pick up on things around them, so it’s necessary to be cautious. Talk to them about anger management techniques like counting from 1 to 10, repeating phrases, going for a walk to cool off. Teach them that anger just like any other emotion is ok to have but it should not affect their behaviour.

Negative Consequences

Make them responsible for their actions. Tell them that there are rules and that being disrespectful will not be accepted. Inform them that they have to take responsibility for their temper tantrums and that there will be consequences. When they behave aggressively, make them do household chores, dismiss them to the time out corner until they cool down, retract their Playtime and TV privileges. When they break things around the house make them raise money for the repairs and don’t give them back their freedom until they have performed their tasks to repair the damages caused.

Positive Consequences

Teach them about the positive consequences of managing their anger. Give them rewards and appreciate them for trying to control their anger. Praise them and provide feedback. Make use of sticker charts to motivate them. Notice their growth and explain how they have improved than before. Shower them with gifts now and then for achieving milestones, no matter how small.

Media

If your child is already aggressive keep them away from TV shows and video games that are very violent. Introduce to shows that portray healthy settlements of disputes. Read them stories involving kind heroes and gentle giants. 

It’s normal for anybody to struggle in managing their anger in the beginning, especially kids. With some guidance from their elders, they can manage to do it. If your child is often uncontrollable and aggressive there could be some underlying health issues that need to be consulted. They could have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism, anxiety, sensory processing issues and other learning disabilities. A psychiatrist can help identify if any. If not any of the above they might be bullied, stressing out about school work, having problems making friends. Talking helps in such cases.